Lake Taupo 320km Bike Ride

1.30 am Saturday 26th November, Taupo, New Zealand, 79 locals, 6 Aussies (they got a jeer) and 2 Poms (Marion and I qualified for a cheer) with our bikes, full winter kit and the prospects of 2 laps of the biggest lake in New Zealand totaling 320 km. The Round The Lake Challenge is the biggest mass participation ride in NZ and we were doing it twice.

The start is not fast but we are quickly onto the first little hill and it is immediately apparent that few people intend to go slow either. The front is soon way ahead and we settle in with a group of three or four others. We let them go on the hills but catch them on the flats without going hard. They have a support car too which drives along behind illuminating the fast sinuous descents.

After about 30km my jacket unzips itself and we have to stop to fix it. The rest of the group doesn't and suddenly it is very dark and desolate. For the next hour or so we can see cars way ahead but can't make time on them without pushing too hard.

The route is relentlessly up and down. The hills are not that steep, some last for a couple of kms. The descents are not dangerous and our lights are quite good but its still not possible to really let go on unfamiliar roads.

We had hoped to do the first 110km to where we were staying in 4 hours or so but it is becoming obvious its going to take nearer 5. About 100km we hit a 3km climb that I had been dreading. It was made worse by the big signs erected for the ride - the worst being the sanctimonious Lance Armstrong's ""Pain is temporary, quitting lasts for ever"". My body suddenly says ""don't patronise me"" and goes on strike (good to know there's a teenager in there somewhere).

I don't recover on the fast descent and by the time we get to our planned stop my back hurts, my legs are numb and i have to cling to Marion's wheel to make any progress.

Our friends' hot towels (this is a business class pit stop) energy drink and food are welcome but don't solve the problem. What's worse is I start to winge, curse and whine which doesn't help at all.

Most of the 50km back to Taupo is flat but there is a steep 3km climb just over half way. Getting up is not a problem. Wondering if I can do it again after another 160km does my head in.

Back at the car after 6 hours 45 minutes it is as cold as the middle of the night even though it's fully light. The plan to change into short sleeves is abandoned and we stay in the sweaty winter kit. I chomp down some Parma ham to take away the sickly sweet taste in my mouth and we refill our bottles.

I realise I'm not going to quit but I'm not sure how I'm going to do the next lap. We set off slowly and I plead with Marion to slow even more as I try and keep my heart rate way down and hope for a miraculous resurrection. She's very patient with me (she would claim she always needs to be).

There are lots more cyclists now - one lappers and people doing 40km relay sections. Over 10,000 participate in the various permutations. It's impossible to find anyone to draft though - they either have fresh legs and no fear so zoom off on the hills or they are even slower than I am.
There are spectators. When they or other riders see our special ""enduro"" yellow helmet covers (which turn us into Smurf look-alikes) they shout and scream encouragement. The lines etched on my face soften a little from grimace to smile.

Then it starts to rain. Its cold wet rain from the Antartic. We get cold in our full neoprene re-inforced kit. People in shorts and tee shirts, especially those not fit enough to ride hard and keep warm, start to sit by the roadside and shiver. We see some ambulances. Eventually it stops raining and I start to feel much better.

I do some spells at the front and think about stepping up the pace when Marion says ""I think I need a serious time out"" - if its not one of us suffering its the other. Luckily there is a gas station a few kms up the road. We stop, stretch, eat, drink and eat some crisps (more fat and salt - highly recomended). Marion recovers quickly.

Then it?s back to the hill with the irritating slogans but by now we have seen the ones for Tui beer and Lance's pieties can be laughed off. Tui's billboards have the punch line ""yeah right"". Marion's favorite is ""It's all down hill from here - yeah right"", mine is ""No sex before the race - yeah right"".

The twisting 75kmph descent is made tricky my the hoards of wobbling relay riders with white knuckles going half the speed but it's fun anyway. On the flat we start to pick up slowing 160km riders and well paced relay people to draft. Then we get the confidence to do our turns at the front and the pace starts to pick up.

The legs were feeling good but the mind was befuddled. The roads weren't closed. On a twisting section a slow rider was baulking a queue of cars. Without thinking I accelerated and dived down the inside. I was alongside the camper van at the front when the road began to narrow alongside a steep drop to the lake. Braking I had to lean hard against the van and hope it would re-pass me before I ran out of road - I doubt the driver ever knew I was there - I wished I wasn't. Then he was past, I was alive and pumped with adrenaline but vowing to be sensible - ha ha.

The last hill was no problem - sit and spin in my lowest gear, change up and stand up to stretch. Marion caught up to my wheel and it was time to use up every last drop of energy on the 20km to the finish. Wind behind and slightly downhill (definitely yeah right) 40kmph with more on a steeper down hill. We caught two other enduro riders including one in the last 100 metres as Marion tried to ambush me in a sprint finish. We were still only 63rd and 65th in 14hrs 26mins - the winner was well under 10 hours and the 160km race was won in under 4 hours.

Apart from ""why the hell do I enjoy this?"" what I want to know is ""OK so I didn't do enough training - only one 200km ride since July - but how come my body dies after 100km only to come alive again after 200km even eating steadily from the start?""

What Marion wants to know is ""Why does she want to do the 3 lap plus, 500km super enduro next year with a target time of 24 hours?"" Also ""Does she really trust me to drive the support car close behind her all that time?"" - Yeah Right.